This happened back in 2008 just before I went to South Korea where I taught English for five years.
She and I are Friends and Family on Facebook. I owe her a lot of credit and thanks for continuing to help maintain the connection.
Showing posts with label Ronald Scott Batson. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ronald Scott Batson. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
After Twelve Years, My Daughter Reached Out and Contacted Me
She and I are Friends and Family on Facebook. I owe her a lot of credit and thanks for continuing to help maintain the connection.
One Gay Man's Story: Washington DC and More Course Work to Do
I started my public school teaching career in 1995, and it got me through the "child support" years.
One Gay Man's Story: My First Gay Pride, UCLA, California ...
The Gay Pride Festival in West Hollywood, June, 1992, felt electrifying to me. Dick Sargent and Elizabeth Montomery ("Bewitched") were the Grand Marshals of the parade! It was my first trip to California. What an experience!
One Gay Man's Story: Still Trying to do "What's Right."
So at this point, I was working 55+ hours a week that required about an hour of driving to get there...! Ok! That's what I had to do ...
One Gay Man's Story: Trying to be straight! Oops! No diaphragm!
One Gay Man's Story: I was so Inept from the Honeymoon Onward
It wasn't her fault! I felt more guilty than ever! I had no urge for it all! I was trying to become straight, but it wasn't happening! I had no answer but "I've got to endure this thing." She was worthy of love and being loved by a man who wanted a wife. I did not have the courage to admit that I was not fit for it. I did not have the moral fortitude to admit that I was deceiving myself. My ineptness ended up impacting more than four lives!
One Gay Man's Story: Get Married to Become Straight
I did not "come out" as Gay until after my divorce. Before the marriage, explicitly I explained my "problem." I remained faithful to that marriage. Two children later, she heard me talking in my sleep ... about situations that never happened in reality. I can't prove or disprove anything that she said that I said. All I know is that she filed for a divorce, and, according to her, her lawyer could "run you (me) up the creek." A few years later, her lawyer tried to argue a "homosexuality case" before the Clayton County Superior Court judge Stephen Boswell. I was there, and I heard the judge say, "Without evidence, we're not going to talk about this!" That happened in the middle of my studies at the University of Georgia, and it cost me $500 in court fees, plus some lawyer fees.
Getting married was solely my means to try to become straight. Honestly, I still wanted to meet, fall in love with, enjoy courtship, and marry a man. My dreams of doing all that were more vivid than ever.
One Gay Man's Story: Central Bible College and Still Gay
I graduated with a BA in Bible in May, 1983.
Its library provided no more information than what I found at Lee University. It wasn't until years later that I found out that many research journals had been containing ever increasing amounts of information about the matter ever since the mid 1960's. But, these two colleges didn't have such journals on their shelves.
No one forced me to go to CBC. I knew its policy was like that at Lee University before I enrolled there. Were there other homosexuals there? I don't know? What would reactions have been if I had approached any of the professors, preachers, administrators, or students there for prayer about my "problem?" I don't know, but I can't imagine feeling that anyone could have done so without fear!
Unfortunately (for everyone whose life was affected), knowing no more than I did, I decided to follow popular advice -- get a wife and procreate -- to get "delivered" from this "demon."
One Gay Man's Story: I didn't Want to be Explelled from Lee University
While at Lee University, I did scour the library for whatever I could find out about "homosexuality," and all I found was fine print within short paragraphs deep in books largely about other matters. When I studied hebrew and greeks words translated to "homosexual" or "homosexuality," I began to see that other English words could just as well (if not more justly) have been used for the translations. I began to learn that "homosexual" and "homosexuality" were new English words coined in the 1800's. I began to see different words used in different translations. I began to see that it wasn't as "crystal clear" as many had preached that it was. As a twenty year old undergrad, I became even more hungry to know all the truth I could find, but I saw no way out of the silence.
One Gay Man's Story: My First Year at Lee College (University), and Still Gay as Ever
Since leaving Lee College (now called "University") in 1979, I've met only one other Gay person who attended Lee when I did. I knew him then, but I did not know he was gay. It wasn't until about 1996 that I met him again and found out. Were other gay people there? I don't know!
I knew the school's policy about homosexuality before I went there, so I can't (nor do I) blame the school for my "problem." I can't blame the school for the silence that I had to maintain. I've had no regrets about attending classes there. If I thought they would accept me as I am, I would go there again.
Sex, my first time with others. One Gay Man's Story
As some people have implied, I should never have had, should never have, a romantic life I desired. I should never... fall in love. I should never... I should never live with the person I want and love..... I should never make a family with the person I want and love. As they have implied, my love life isn't about what / who I want, but is about who THEY want (often disguised as "who God wants"). As they have implied, it's perfectly acceptable for teenage boys and girls to flirt, hug, and kiss with each other. While, as they have implied, it isn't right for them to have sex, they're perfectly willing to forgive that when pregnancy occurs and get on with life. They're perfectly willing to forgive divorce, and get on with life and remarriages. But, as they have implied, my flirting, hugging, kissing, and (maybe) having an "oops" experience are all worthy of ostracisim. As they have implied, even if I abstained from sex until marriage, and even if I got married and remained faithful ... I'm to be ostracised.
Remember, I was 19 - 20 years old and it was 1977-78....
One Gay Man's Story: I wasn't looking for Gay porn, but...
I can hear it now! I can hear / read some people going wild about the thought, "The devil was using porn to lure you into homosexuality!" I have no respect to offer that sort of arrogant idiocy! My opinion is that the spewer of such lies are in league not with God, but with evil and should repent and become true to God.
It wasn't Gay porn (or any kind of porn) that led me in this direction. I was already "in this direction" long before I ever set my eyes upon any kind of porn. For many years, I had been dreaming of having a boyfriend, getting married to a man, and had never had any desire for any girl / woman. Still, I had not come to terms that I was Gay. I was fighting against that idea because 1.) I was young and ignorant of relevant truths; 2.) I didn't have the courage to speak up and talk about it with anyone among my peers; and 3.) all the leaders who I trusted most had no kind comment to make about the matter, said that homosexuals were demon possessed and bound for hell, and had a penchant for ostracizing homosexuals and I didn't believe I deserved that.
The "porn" was not what intrigued me and drove me to visit this place. Instead, I was intrigued by the question, "You mean to tell me that I'm not the only one with this "problem?"
One Gay Man's Story: Solo Sex and that Gay Demon
I was 19 years old and had not yet met anyone with this same "problem." Ever since I was six years old, I had been dreaming about having a boyfriend. Beginning in my teen years, I dreamed of getting married to a man. My boy crushes became more real and my crush for girls continued to be nonexistent.
Slowly but surely I began to learn that other guys (none who I knew and none near where I lived) did have my same "problem." More and more, my awakening to truth grew. I didn't like the circumstances of the revelations, but I became grateful for the revelations nonetheless.
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